Shyness is part of human life but we sometime forget the feeling of shyness or we refer different meaning for shyness today. In Eastern culture the beauty of a woman is her shyness in certain moment of her life. When shyness becomes the means to block our human day today life, then we need to think of removing it from the our system. “Scientists have found the gene for shyness. They would have found it years ago, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes.” Jonathan Katz
Yes it is true that shyness is situational and it dost not appear all the time. We need to work on shyness if it becomes so negative in life. “I think the shyness one feels in childhood is often overcome with time. There are children who hide behind their parents’ legs, but you don’t see grown-ups hiding behind people. It just doesn’t happen. I mean, not that often. People develop social skills over time.” Susan Cain
That means that shyness is really situational. It’s a reaction you have to your environment, and it’s different depending on the situation and people in it.
- Maybe if you’re standing beside your crush (a person you have feelings for romantically) at a party, your mind is literally blank and you have no clue what to talk about.
- But if you’re having a coffee with your two closest friends and talking about a common passion you have, you literally can’t shut up about it.
- And in your average day, you probably act a lot MORE or LESS shy as your environment changes.
If you are always shy and if you find difficulties to move with others in different situations then you need to focus in three main areas of your life.
Here are the 3 biggest reasons:
1. You NEED something from the other person, usually acceptance/approval.
2. You believe the other person is higher value than you.
3. You feel uncomfortable with yourself.
There are the areas you have to pay attentions to observe your reasons for shyness.
Now it is the time to work on how to remove those blocks from your life.
1. Focus outwards, away from your shyness: Shyness makes us self-absorbed. This is descriptive, not judgemental. Shy people can feel they have ‘nothing to say’, that they should have amazing stories to tell and be the life and soul of the party. But consider this:
2. Prepare properly: If you feel shy at work, look out for interesting news items over the weekend and bring them into conversation on Monday.
3. Send the right signals: Shy people are often misdiagnosed as unfriendly, aloof, or ‘stuck up’. Shyness can make us look unapproachable.
Research has found that we find people who smile and look directly at us more attractive (1). And people are 86% more likely to strike up conversations with strangers in the street if they are smiling.
4. Focus on putting other people at their ease: The point here is that by focusing on putting other people at their ease, you’ll find that you feel much more comfortable. Notice who seems a little more diffident or anxious and work to help them feel more relaxed.
5. Learn to manage anxiety:
Shyness is really a type of social anxiety. Manage your anxiety by:
- Making your out-breath longer than your in-breath. Extending the out-breath begins to relax body and mind very quickly. Once you feel more relaxed, you instantly feel more sociable.
- Rehearse being confident. Mentally rehearsing being more outgoing and relaxed has amazing results. Lie down somewhere comfortable, focus on breathing deeply and slowly, and imagine watching yourself in the upcoming social situation looking relaxed, comfortable, and even talkative. You’ll be amazed how this ‘self-hypnotic’ preparation will affect the way you actually feel when you get there.